Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize