its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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