Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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