You really coming over, don't trick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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