this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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