my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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