You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize