I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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