Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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