Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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