The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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