my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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