here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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