Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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