grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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