New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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