New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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