I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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