So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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