Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize