nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize