I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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