If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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