Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize