I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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