i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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