My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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