i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
How did I end up in the pool?!
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She needs sedatives and a leash
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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