you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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