can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize