apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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