Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize