never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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