I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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