I just pynch a tree in the face
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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