Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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