yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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