i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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