Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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