I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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