I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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