Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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