I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize