Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had sex on a dog bed..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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