Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
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Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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