I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize