I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize