I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize