I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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