Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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